I And Myself

by G. Jarvie, Glasgow | Category: General | Nov 1966

"I forced myself therefore, and offered the burnt offering" (1 Samuel 13.12).

We know the story. It is that of Saul, the king of Israel. He had only begun to reign, and the first test was now being applied to him. He was asked to wait for Samuel, the prophet. He was asked to wait-that was the test. Physically he was tall, and by nature he could be brave. But these are characteristics of the natural man, and are found in many men. To learn to wait for God was different, something contrary to human nature, and to the flesh. And so, when he was tested, Saul broke down, and from that day he was rejected (13.14).

The test was a very simple one, like the test in Eden, when Adam fell. But how surely it searched Saul's heart and brought out what was within! "I forced myself," he said. Deep in his heart there was self-confidence, rather than confidence in God. He never truly repented. Perhaps he never even learned the lesson from his error, for later on he said to Samuel, "Honour me now, I pray thee, before the elders of my people, and before Israel" (15.30). Esteem of self was the mainspring of his life and service. What a disaster his life was. At the last he fell on the mountain of Gilboa, slain by an Amalekite, the type of the flesh.

The lesson of his life is not one for children merely, or for those who are spiritually immature. Saul was a warrior, not a youth. The lesson of his life is one for mature men, for leaders, for teachers, and for young men stretching out to the work of God. Remember Saul! Perhaps we have felt the call of God to some sphere of service. That is good, and all who love God and know us will rejoice in our call. But it is needful to get down low to do this high service. There is nothing more dangerous to the servant of Christ than exaltation of self. Let us remember the scripture, "Every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled" (Luke 14.11). It does not say some of those who exalt themselves, but every one. So the Lord said.

In the Lord's service we must often learn to wait for God, and we may not like it. We like to have our way carried through quickly. Or again, we may find others disagreeing with us, and we may be ready to dispute on the matter, or to drive our own way. When it is a matter of the truth of God, then, of course, we must contend for it (Jude 3). But if it is a matter that concerns ourselves, let us he careful, let us search our hearts in the Lord's presence, lest there be any "I" in the matter. It is so easy for self to come in, and when. that comes, disaster is on the way for us.

We may be called to teach or to preach the word. That is very good indeed, for there is a great need of godly men to do both. But let us be careful that in our teaching and preaching we magnify Christ. Even teaching and preaching can satisfy the flesh. Teachers and preachers must pre-eminently the men of prayer, for only in the secret place can we receive the word that will magnify Christ. Only in the secret place will we learn our own nothingness and learn, too, the majesty of God. That is very important in the service of God.

It is very possible for us to labour much and to gather little; to fight much and to win little. Saul is a lesson to us in that. His sword and his spear were always with him, but his life ended in total defeat. Much of his fighting was done with his own brethren in Israel. It is possible for us to preach much, and to win few souls; and to teach much, and yet help few. If our service is tinged with self, that will be the result. God will never honour "self" in us. Never! He rejected it in Saul, and He will reject it in us. He will honour those who, like David, are after His own heart, those who have the mind of Christ (Philippians 2.5).

"It is good that a man should hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD." So wrote Jeremiah in Lamentations 3.26. What sorrows Jeremiah passed through as he waited for the word of the Lou) to be fulfilled in Israel! He waited, he preached, and he suffered, and God wrought His work, as He said He would. There was little room in Jeremiah's life for "self" to work. The fire burned too deeply.

Let us see that esteem of self is put far from us. If we fail to do this, then it is good for us that the cleansing fire of God's chastening should burn to our inmost, so that our lives and service should not be wasted. "It is good for me that I have been afflicted", wrote the psalmist, "that I might learn Thy statutes" (Psalm 119.71).

Someone has written,

"Search me, 0 God, and know my heart today,

Try me, just now, and know my thoughts, I pray.

See if there be some wicked way in me,

Cleanse me from every sin, and make me free."

It is great freedom to be free from bondage to our own selves, so that we can serve God in the liberty and power of the Holy Spirit.

G. Jarvie, Glasgow | Nov 1966
General